Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 8 (script)
The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing. Script *Fade in, Giroro is shocked to see the room is filled with toys* Giroro: What the hell is this?! You were supposed to buy weapons! Keroro: Well, you say you wanted weapons, but “weapons” spelled backwards is… “toy”, so yeah… okay, it’s “snopaew” but whatever. Giroro: SNOPAEW YOU TOO! Tamama: Oh come on, Mr. Giroro! They keep my cheeks warm! Kululu: They keep my bowels warm. Dororo: They keep ME warm! Mois: If I punch in a bunch of numbers, I make it confused! …Yay! Syntax error! Keroro: So Mois, how much of our budget is left? Mois: *Upbeat* We have bupkis! Keroro: …In metric, please. Mois: We’re broke. Giroro: …We’re…broke…?! Keroro: Grab some glue and pull yourself together, Giroro! I’ve got a plan to get our money back. Giroro: Sell it back to retail? Keroro: I said “plan”, not “cop-out”. *Cuts to meeting room, pans out from screen* Keroro: *Excited* And this is what Earth is gonna look like when we conquer it! *Getting close to bursting out laughing* It’s gonna have a FLAG… AAGH!!! Giroro: As much as I love flags, we need an actual plan here. Keroro: *Wagging finger* Don’ be stu-peeehd, you gotta contribute if you wanna criticize, Giroro. Giroro: You can’t do anything. Keroro: *Whiny* You’re doing it wro-ong! Kululu: Heheh, we could sell Dororo for cash. Dororo: *Scoff* I am not your little brother! Kululu: Oh you know it works. Dororo: I am not my little brother! Mois: *Raising hand* I’ve got an idea, Uncle! Keroro: Yeeees? Mois: *Thinks about it* Hmm, but it might take a lot of work… Everyone: WHAT?! *Scene transitions to Natsumi* Natsumi: *Confused* A cartoon? How would I know how they make cartoons? Keroro: *Serious* Because you’re the only girl with pink hair. Squeaky squeak. Squeaky. Natsumi: *Sarcastic* And I’m regretting it already. Fuyuki: Sarge, you don’t know the intricacies of animation. You need a whole team of sweaty guys, and you need all of them to draw every single frame. Keroro: A team of sweaty guys? I live with a team of sweaty guys! *Slyly* One of them’s sweatier than the others. You get it, Fuyuki? Get the joke, Fuyuki? Skeet, bang, my nigg- no? Fuyuki: Wait, Giroro doesn’t shower? Keroro: I’m just gonna ask your mom. *Cuts to Aki’s work* Aki: *Casual* You realize these drafts are…blank, right? Guy: ‘Ey, Ms Hinata, you got some guests. Keroro: *Yelling* Hi Mrs. Woman! I live in your basement! Tamama: And I’m a faggot! *Cuts to Aki setting down binders* Aki: Well, as you can see, I couldn’t find anything that’ll help you. Keroro: *Sad* Not even a coloring book…? Aki: *Cheery* Just kidding! Everything you’ll need is in this book. Hehe, aren’t I a goof. Keroro: I dunno, you’re kinda- oh, you’re flirting with me. *Cuts to meeting room* Keroro: Alright platoon, are we ready? Everyone: *Unenthusiastic* Yeeees. Keroro: Well you don’t sound into it, so to lighten the mood here’s a joke! What did the river say to the ocean? Nothing! It just waved! A-ha-ha! Everyone: Other way around. Keroro: Ha, he-he-he, WATER. *Cuts to Keroro reading book, caption says “Keroro – Scripting”* Keroro: The script is the foundation of your entire project. You must remember to write it with proper grammar and spelling, and to have it flow, AXE spray does not work. *Squints* *Sits up* Well I knew that! Time to write this bad boy a new one! Okay, first line. “Heeeellooooo…” Alright! We’re off to a great start! *Later that day* Keroro: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SPELL “HELLO”?! Does it have an “H”?! *Squeaking* WHAT THE FUCK’S an “H”?! *Cuts to Tamama, caption says “Tamama – Storyboards* *Door slides open* Keroro: Huuun…? Tamama: Sarge! Do you have your script for me! Keroro: Hun, if you really love me, just go on without me. Tamama: …Who the fuck is Keror-?! ooohhh… Oh well, time to storyboard. *Later that day* Tamama: Aaand I’m bored. Awww yeah. Ahead of the game now- *suddenly sad* who am I fucking kidding? *Cuts to Giroro, caption says “Giroro – Animation”* Giroro: *Reading* If you feel a pain in your vagina, then someone’s talking about you. Tamama: *Outside the door* Ow…! *Door opens, Tamama gives him the paper* Tamama: *Incomprehensible gibberish* - fatass… Giroro: …At least I’m PRETTY! Whatever, I can draw this whole thing myself. *Scribbles some* Giroro: Done. *Picture is Mint’s Hints* Giroro: Seventeen years THAT, De Vinci! Dororo: *Opens door* Giroro, I’m here to color what you have while you’re still working. Giroro: *Exhausted* No need to do that, Dahrahrawrrr… I was on such a roll that I did it myseeeeeeeelf… Dororo: Giroro, what happened to you?! Giroro: *Sharp inhale* coloring… *Cuts to Kululu, caption says “Kululu – Backgrounds”* Kululu: *Staring blankly* Nurrrrrrrrrrrrrr-HEGH! Dororo: Hard to believe, but these are…good. Tamama: So where did you steal them from? Kululu: Ha, ha, ha, ha…ha- *Serious* it was Haruhi. Everyone: OOOHH!!! *Cloud says “Project cancelled”* Keroro: Maaaan… Dororo: I don’t wanna do this anymore. *Cuts to Sumomo* *Sumomo is singing in Lilly’s voice* Mois: Hmm, she’s not very good at this. Sumomo: Come on, what the fuck do you want from me?! A can-can? Mois: You can dance? Sumomo: *Singing* DO THE CAN-CAN LIKE A TWAT. Narrator: Yeah hey, I’m still here. Anyway, Keroro and the platoon fly down to the animation studio directed by this guy. Director. Keroro: Can anybody tell me where I’m going? I forgot to finish a blink. *Opens door to conference room* Keroro: Here we go, now we can see how you’re supposed to make a cartoon. *Shows script* Giroro: They have a strict budget! Dororo: And paper! Kululu: *Flat* This isn’t even English. Keroro: I wonder if they’ll notice that their scripts are floating… Director: *Dastardly* By the way, did I tell you guys about our new, strict security measures? Anyone caught invisible is shot on sight. *Door opens and closes* Animator 1: *Dull voice* I’m an animator! Keroro: Heheh, an animator, huh? Animator 1: I have to get to drawing! Keroro: THAT’S what he does?! How can he live with himself?! Animator 1: Why a stopwatch?! WHY?! Tamama: What is a stopwatch?! Dororo: *Runs in* I DON’T KNOOOOOW! Kululu: *Sinister* It’s because there’s time now. Time enough at last!... It’s a joke! LAUGH! *Animators start drawing* Giroro: You have to be good at drawing to do this?! Huh…Military school, you’ve prepared me for nothing. Animator 2: *To herself, puzzled* I just don’t know what to do; I’ve never seen a spine before… Giroro: I know your pain. Us artists have a connection. I love you, my unknown lady friend. Oh, Natsumi, I’m sorry. Could you ever forgive me? I know it’s hard, but you can make it. You’re so strong, my love, but you JUST CAN’T DRAW! Keroro: *Slyly* You having another meltdown Giroro? Get it, cause you’re sweating!? AH! Animator 2: *Turns to Animator 3* Does this look like a kangaroo? Animator 3: No… THIS does. *Does awkward pose, bone crack is heard* Animator 2: *Sweetly* Thanks, Biff. Giroro: Of course! I need a guy named “Biff”! Keroro: I’m pretty sure Tamama and I can model for you. Tamama: *Slyly* You should see the positions we get into. My favorite is- *Keroro and Tamama doing a bizarre pose* Tamama: THE SODA CRACKER! Keroro: WE DO THIS ONE WHEN WE’RE DRINKING… Dororo: Am I the only one who finds this kinda hot? Kululu: It’s cause you’re still wearing that apron. Giroro: And the pink poofy things. Keroro: HE-LLO?! Giroro: Yeah, I don’t think I can draw that… Dororo: *Snicker* Come now, you can’t give up so soon. Kululu: Just sit back…*snickers*…and examine the pose… Giroro: Heh…I guess…NOW I give up. Tamama: *Opens fridge* Fuud? Giroro: *Opens cabinet* Colored pencils…oh now you’re just mocking me. Dororo: *Opens door* My god, that is a fitting metaphor. Kululu: *At computer, amused* Top ten fears, you shouldn’t post that on Facebook. Dororo: I’ve got 99 problems and I can’t solve any of them. Tamama: How can you live on string cheese and butter? That’s a pussy’s game! Giroro: Real men live on Kool-Aid powder! *Keroro is heard smooching the air, They turn to look at him* Keroro: *High-pitched voice* Oh Sarge you’re so good! *Turns* Huh? *Whiny* Wha-at? ... So did you guys find anything? Director: We are not changing the show name to “Mint’s Hints”! Keroro: What the-?! Animator 4: But sir, we’re already ripping off Clover’s Disc-overs… Animator 5: I don’t recognize my children! Director: Changing a show’s name costs time and money, but mostly work, and I don’t need to tell you how lazy I am. Keroro: Well said, good sage. *Cut to outside* Giroro: So I guess we’re stealing Mint’s Hints? Dororo: Mints make me lonely. Keroro: Gentlemen, gentlemen. We have two options to choose from. A, we give up, or Jeopardy, we steal the Mint’s Hints name. Tamama: I’ll take “what is a give up” for 200, please? Keroro: I agree to Jeopardy! Now who’s with me! *French anthem starts playing* Everyone: Yaaaay… *Cut to theater* Narrator: After days of toiling over crumpled paper, their first animation is ready to air. *Mint’s Hints starts playing, occasionally the camera shows the platoon’s reactions* *Credits, final caption says “Yes, that picture’s official name is “Mint’s Hints. Dig the striped sweater. PS: Faggot: noun – a stick; a British pork dish; apparently a jet fighter”* *Post-credits 1, in the theater* Keroro: *Low* You know, I’m starting to rethink my application to the military. *Getting slowly louder* I’ve been sitting on Dororo’s poofy thingy for a WHILE NOW! And it’s PRETTY DAMN COMFY! *Post-credits 2, Keroro is smooching and talking with himself as Tamama* Keroro: Excuse me, this is a private janitor’s closet! Mop: Dang man, Mop needs him a cigarette! Category:Episode Scripts